Ding, dong, the binky's dead! Which old binky? The bedtime binky! We are 100% binky free!
Wow, if I had known life without the binky would be this easy, I would have banished it ages ago. But I think a month of talking about being a big girl (and reading the book I made for her) really helped Penny to prepare for the inevitable. Nights have been a piece of cake, although the afternoon nap has been more of a battle, which is exactly the opposite of how I thought it would go.
When I told Penny that the binky was gone, she was sad. She was beyond sad, she was visibly aggrieved. And I was sad too, I truly was, because the whole thing had been my fault to begin with. I'm the one who got her hooked on it in the first place, and I'm the one who didn't take it away sooner. I'm the one who had to devise a cunning plan to be rid of it, who compiled advice (solicited and otherwise) and gathered enough ideas to fill a tome, something I'll call "The Big Book of Binky Extraction."
But Penny's binky grief ended when she realized it was nap time, and thus decided to spend her energy negotiating for more play time. Ordinarily, she would have been won over by one satisfying binky, but now that my ace in the hole (pardon the expression) was gone, I was not prepared to deflect the relentless stalling techniques of my toddler. I had no idea she was so crafty! She pulls out all the stops when it's time to lie down, and it almost works, until I remember that I am actually still the boss around here. I hate those little spells of amnesia. That first day was hard, I won't lie. There was screaming, 40 whole minutes of howling, "5 more minutes! 5 more minutes! Mama! Mama!" during which I went in her room (and stood at her doorway) several times to remind her that it was, in fact, nap time. I know she was mad because she didn't want to nap, but I think there was also some underlying anger about the binky's demise, anger she couldn't put into words ("You're a monster, mother!"). Furthermore, it is my observation that there is a relationship between the actual need for a nap and the resistance a child puts up, which is to say, the more Penny needs a nap, the harder she tries to convince me she doesn't need one.
The next day, there were 10 minutes of furious anger, followed by 1 minute of minor fussing on the third day. Meanwhile, night time has been considerably easier, in fact, I think she sleeps better without the binky at night, because she doesn't wake up and wonder where it's gone off to. And better yet, she doesn't wake me up to help her find it in the dark. The first night, instead of crying out for the binky, she woke to report, lucidly, that the cat was being "really silly," then she rolled over and went back to sleep. And she's slept all night since.
And now, Penny tells me, "Binky all gone. I a big girl now." It's her mantra. And it sort of makes me want to cry. Because if I had my druthers, she could keep the damn binky, if she would stay little forever.
Before he went to work the other morning, Britt came into our room while I was still sleeping and whispered, "I don't mean to alarm you, but our baby is gone. She's been replaced by a toddler who grew 4 inches last night and now she's all legs." And he's right. We don't have a baby anymore, we have a little kid. A kid who likes to water the plants in the garden and who reads books to her dollies, who pretends to cook hot dogs in her little kitchen and says, "Careful mommy, it hot!" A kid who says, "Hey mama!" And when I say, "What?" She says, "I want to hold you."
A kid who no longer has a binky in the car, and we're gunning for the bedtime binky next. Do you hear me binky? You're next.
Here's the scoop on the cunning binky plan. At my place of employment, some of the kids use "social stories," which are a way for children to learn about a particular social situation, or to be more prepared for an upcoming event, or to learn a certain routine. In extreme cases, they are used to change a target behavior. I'm not a psychologist, but I know Penny loves books, and she loves to look at pictures of herself, so I got to thinking: What if I wrote (and illustrated) a book about a girl named Penny who becomes a big girl and doesn't need her binky anymore?
Let's just say I've spent many nights working on this, and it's finally done. But before I finished, I had a small existential crisis. What effect will the book have? Will it prepare Penny for the impending loss of the bedtime binky? Will it be a self-fulfilling prophecy, or will it merely be an amusing cautionary tale with no lasting effect whatsoever on my child?
That bike was really hard to draw.
Then there was the small problem of the plot. I knew the beginning and the end, but I wasn't sure what should happen to the binky, since I hadn't done anything about the binky myself. I was sort of hoping the book would magically solve that problem for me.
And then I didn't have to wait for inspiration. Because last week, the car binky became so disgusting, I had to throw it away. I was driving when I heard a slurping sound, something that sounded like Penny sipping through the straw in her cup. But when I looked in the mirror, she wasn't drinking from her cup. That hideous sound was coming from the binky. She had chewed a tiny hole in it, thereby compromising the plastic, and her spittle had collected in the bottom. That sound was the spittle being sucked in and out. BLECH. That's it, I thought. That's just too gross. So when she wasn't looking, I pitched it. The next day, when we got in the car, she started looking for it. "You find it!" she said, panicked and angry. She asked if it was in the backpack, and I said no. I said, "The binky was gross and yucky, and it's all gone now." She was a little sad, but recovered once I started playing her current favorite song ("Sevens" by They Might Be Giants).
Then she said, "Car binky gross-y. White binky in house." And I could see her practically sighing with relief, because her beloved bedtime binky was still safe. Curse you, you clever two year old, you've got me there. It sure is, but not for long. Penny's done phenomenally well without car binky. She's talking more while we drive around, she sings more to the music, and life has been great. The white binky might be a little harder to get over, since that (theoretically) helps her sleep, but I am encouraged by our first step toward our binky-free life.
My sister kindly laminated and bound my book for me, and I plan to give it to Penny tomorrow. I suspect she'll want to read it a lot, and I hope it will prepare her for the next step. Stay tuned.
I'm having one of those evenings where I have so many ideas, but instead of doing anything productive, I just want to lie down instead. I realized I never raved about Penny's awesome 2nd birthday party, which was the origin of the fabulous bike (trike). Also, even before Penny turned two, I came up with a cunning plan to address the binky, but I am sorry to say the plan has yet to be implemented. I'm working on it, really. Tomorrow is her 2 year check-up, so I'm sort of hoping to avoid the binky topic altogether, assuming my doctor doesn't notice my shifty eyes, which may betray me.
Anyway, the party. This year I wanted to keep things simple, so I wouldn't feel like pulling out all of my hair. This is a tricky thing. On one hand, I like parties, and we rarely throw them at our house, because we prefer to go to other people's parties. On the other hand, Penny will likely not remember a birthday party at her age. So what's a parent to do? Go all out and go crazy, or keep it low-key? I tried to shoot for a happy medium, because we still like a good party.
I chose a duck theme, because Penny is rather partial to ducks, and many of the songs she likes involve ducks in some way. I also decided to include an end-time for the party, so people wouldn't feel obligated to stay late, and so we wouldn't feel like we had to put on an epic bash. We invited friends who also had children, as well as Penny's family. I wanted Penny to have ample opportunities to play with other kids, seeing as how it was actually her party. I bought a little bubble machine (which sort of worked), and provided kazoos and other musical instruments for the kids, and we played a few rounds of Ring-Around-The-Rosy, Penny's favorite. We also borrowed the slide from Penny's Grandparents' backyard. Fortunately, the weather was good. No freak snowstorms! We would have been utterly screwed if we'd had to move the party indoors!
The crowning achievement was something I didn't even do. A friend of ours offered to make a cake for Penny. I told her we were going for a duck theme, with rubber duckies and kazoos as party favors. This is what she made:
Holy crap. I never could have made this. Now the bar has been raised! And it was tasty, to boot!
Our friends gave generously to Penny. She still hasn't caught the vision of politely opening everyone's presents and thanking them before playing with her new things. In fact, I ended up opening many gifts forher, because she was busy trying to play with whatever had been opened previously. I felt lame doing that, but I didn't want the present-opening to drag on too long. Hopefully next year, she'll have learned some more gift-opening etiquette.
Then came the fabulous trike. Penny had been admiring (and trying to take turns with) her friends' tricycles for the past couple of months, so her Grandparents bought her one of her own. It's very pink, and Penny loves it. I like it too, because now instead of the stroller, we can take the trike to the park. I can walk and get my exercise, and Penny can ride. I can usually coax her into doing a whole lap by rewarding her with the swings afterwards.
It's still a challenge for me to be a good hostess. I never get to talk to friends as much as I want to. I had hoped to play more games with the kids, but I ended up letting everybody do their own thing, instead of being the task master. In the end, Penny blew out her candles to a chorus of "Happy Birthday" hummed on kazoos, so I'd call that a success.
Meanwhile, the cunning binky plan is related to the trike, so when that transpires, I will divulge more.
Sometimes I dream of California, and I would live there, if we could afford it, and if I could get used to regularly occurring earthquakes, and if I wouldn't miss the dramatic seasonal changes we have here at home, although after the never-ending winter we've had, maybe I could do without the drama.
Our drive there and back was amazingly smooth, because I focused on keeping Penny fed and entertained. Oh, and we had the binky. She napped a little, but mostly colored pictures with her crayons, read books, sang songs, and talked to her dollies. We made a few pit stops so we could stretch our legs and keep our blood sugar up, and that was the golden ticket.
We stayed one night in Barstow, and were greeted the next day by the eye-popping colors of a state in full bloom. We stayed with my Aunt and Uncle, who graciously put us up in their house, and were treated to the excellent company of two of my cousins, some sight seeing, a trip to the aquarium, a picnic on the beach, and a family game night. It would be unthinkable to get together without playing games!
The weather was gorgeous, and it was fantastic to see the ocean again. Penny handled the beach a little better this time, but was still hesitant to walk on the sand, always keeping one eye on the crashing surf. Eventually, she walked a little on her own (but would not remove her shoes), and dug holes in the sand with some rocks. That's progress, anyway.
Oh yeah, and I worked a bit too, sort of. I attended a conference and it felt good to stimulate my brain and get back in the loop, chat with colleagues, and think about how to apply the things I learned to my job. Meanwhile, Britt and Penny got to spend a lot of time together, without me. (Thanks to my lovely cousin for taking so many beautiful pictures.)
I think they had a good time.
It's always hard to leave when you're having fun, knowing the daily grind is waiting for you at home. The drive back was less fun, but we made one last pit stop to see my good friend in Vegas, and it was a nice overnight respite (hello, hot tub!) before our reluctant return to reality.
I'm amazed at what Penny remembers from the trip. She can recount some of the things we did, like seeing the fish and playing with her cousins (whom she can name), Uncle's train set, the water of the ocean and the sand on the beach. It's all short-term memory recall, but I wonder if she will be able to store these details in her long term memory if we keep talking about them. I wonder how soon we can go back.
...Not really. I just wanted to see if anyone remembered that obscure 90s song from Ned's Atomic Dustbin. Lately I've been beating myself up about the amount of "screen time" Penny gets, if only because it was on my long list of things I wasn't going to do, that list I had in my head before I actually gave birth, along with having a binky and swearing and using disposable diapers.
I grew up in a house where we were only allowed to watch Public Television for many years, mostly because that was the only channel we got on our TV. There were the occasional Saturday morning cartoons, but otherwise, Sesame Street and the Electric Company and 3-2-1 Contact were all we watched, until my parents had more children and eventually got cable, and then the rules evolved.
I have more or less applied the same rule to Penny, which isn't too hard, considering we don't currently have cable or satellite. But I borrow DVDs from the library (and purchase the ones we like), hence Penny's obsession with Baby Signing Time. She also enjoys various Baby Einstein discs, Yo Gabba Gabba, the Classical Baby series, and Sesame Street. She watches something every day; and asks to watch it. Part of me says, well, that's all mostly educational stuff, and it doesn't have commercials. But then I read this, from the American Academy of Pediatrics:
It may be tempting to put your infant or toddler in front of the television, especially to watch shows created just for children under age two. But the American Academy of Pediatrics says: Don't do it! These early years are crucial in a child's development. The Academy is concerned about the impact of television programming intended for children younger than age two and how it could affect your child's development. Pediatricians strongly oppose targeted programming, especially when it's used to market toys, games, dolls, unhealthy food and other products to toddlers. Any positive effect of television on infants and toddlers is still open to question, but the benefits of parent-child interactions are proven. Under age two, talking, singing, reading, listening to music or playing are far more important to a child's development than any TV show. For more information on your child's health, visit www.aap.org.
And now I kind of feel like crap. The stuff I let Penny watch is still brain candy. But come on, in the real world, sometimes I need a minute. Sometimes it's the only way dinner is going to get made. In the real world, Penny picks up a new sign every time she watches "Baby Time," or sings a new song when she wakes up in the morning.
A friend of mine, a retired teacher with a lovely grandchild of her own, told me the rule she heard was limiting amount of "screen time" toddlers get to 2 hours a day, because the visual input of the TV (or computer) develops a different part of the brain, and kids need auditory input as well, not to mention the social interaction with a warm body instead of a warm screen (which might be what the AAP is getting at with the statement above).
So that's what I'm going to shoot for, because 2 hours actually seems like a lot (I should probably get her source on that). I'm not trying to make anyone else feel like crap. But I am curious to know if any of you had similar TV rules when you were growing up, or if you have applied any "screen time" rules to your own children? Have you been successful?
February begins with me trying to decide how big the binky issue really is, since I seem to be the one who is bugged by it. Is it really that terrible? Not in the grand scheme of things. Show me a child who doesn't have an overbite. Am I naive to think that Penny will one day decide that the binky is not satisfying and be done with it forever? Probably. Should I be so uptight about something that brings her comfort? I have no idea.
Sometimes I fear it WILL be a big issue if I don't do something about it now. But I am all talk and no action, in case that wasn't already painfully clear. Something will have to happen to make me say, "That's it, no more binky," and that hasn't happened yet. My doctor gave me a deadline of age 2 to get rid of it, and I am the ultimate procrastinator.
Meanwhile, Penny's had yellow goo coming out of her nose for a week and I'm wondering about a possible sinus infection. The humidifier is in full swing, but a call to the doctor may be in order. The lovely doctor I don't want to disappoint in May when we go for Penny's 2 year check-up, after we've killed and buried Binky.
Here's a parenting news flash: I've discovered if Penny gets a snack before her nap, she sleeps longer and isn't famished when she wakes up. Eureka! Duh! Our "routine" seems to constantly evolve, depending on what time Penny wakes up (which is anywhere between 7-9 a.m., depending on the day). Oh, those 9:00 mornings are heavenly, but so rare. Usually the culprit on the early mornings is Britt, who has to get ready for work, and who can't help thundering around the house a bit in the process. He wears work boots and we have squeaky floors.
Penny did this, and then tried to feed them milk from her cup.
Still, I look at Penny and marvel at what she understands, and what she can do. I think back to where we were a year ago, and I remember teething, sleep training, separation anxiety, and my own anxiety, as a result of all of those things. These truly are salad days in comparison. And I've been a parent long enough now to know that the binky issue will be resolved at some point, because that's just how things work.
Penny and I like go swimming at the community pool on my days off. We go with our friend LC and her daddy, and we try not to think about the amount of pee that must cycle through the pool, but that's what chlorine is for, right? The pool isn't too crowded this time of year, and it has a fun section just for kids, with water features and a slide. As an added bonus, it's good exercise for me, because I'm the one lifting a 25lb toddler in and out of the water.
The first time we went, Penny didn't like the water features, which were spraying water in all directions, and she clung to me like a little monkey baby. But with each consecutive visit, she has gotten more brave and will walk around in the shallow end, let me hold her and swim around, kicking her legs and moving her arms. Our friend LC's dad taught us some of the songs they learned in swim lessons, and that makes it even more fun. There's a version of Ring Around the Rosy that involves, kicking, splashing, blowing bubbles in the water, and finally, dunking our heads underwater. And the dunking isn't too bad, because of the singing!
One of the more challenging aspects is showering in the locker room with a monkey baby. We stand there, shivering, while I try to get the temperature right. Then she gets all slippery and doesn't like the spray of the shower hitting her, but she doesn't want me to put her down on the floor. There are many comedic moments that occur behind the shower curtain. I'm usually more concerned with getting her dried off and dressed than covering myself up, so there's much streaking to the lockers, because if I walk really fast, no one will be able to see me. The last time we were there, I didn't get a diaper back on Penny in time, so I ended up using my towel to mop up the little yellow puddle she left by our locker.
When we are not at the pool, we go to Story Time at the library, where we learn even more songs and check out new books. Story Time is a lot less time consuming because it doesn't involve changing clothes, showering, or streaking.
Meanwhile, Pen has become more defiant in recent days. I know she is testing her limits, but she's been outright disobedient. She had a meltdown last weekend over the binky, and was so screechingly furious it almost resulted in a time-out situation. I was able to defuse things by distracting her with reading and rocking, but I think we might be headed for a real, honest-to-god-TIME-OUT in the near future. And that makes me a little sad, but it is inevitable, right? How else are kids supposed to learn what isn't acceptable behavior? I guess I'm uncomfortable because this is uncharted territory, this discipline stuff. Penny usually listens to me, but lately, seems to NOT hear me. I don't want to be a hard-ass, but I think it is important to be firm. Can you be firm and sympathetic at the same time?
This binky thing is getting out of hand. We had rules for it, but they have been bent so far I'm not sure they should even exist. Penny mournfully requests her "Dinky" anytime she is bored, frustrated, or insulted. If she trips and falls, she says, sadly, "Dinky?" And I say, "No, you don't need it right now," and then I do a tap dance to distract her. Ta-Da! Sometimes it actually works! And sometimes it FAILS. Sometimes she walks right over to the diaper bag and starts rummaging for it. Other times I honestly don't have it on me and she has to tough it out. If we are in the car, for example, I might have to sing "Row Your Boat" 100 times to keep her mind off of Dinky.
I know it is time to part ways with Dinky, but the thought of sleep training (again) exhausts me. I keep giving myself little deadlines. At 18 months, we'll sleep train without the binky. After Christmas, we'll lose the binky for good, etc. We have been so spoiled by a baby who falls asleep happily and quickly with her binky. I have thought about cutting the end off of it, but I'm afraid to see Penny's reaction. Will she feel utterly betrayed? Will I be the meanest mommy who ever lived? She will know it was I who mutilated Dinky. Maybe the Dinky will just have an unfortunate accident and disappear. :(
In the meantime, I have been trying to reestablish the rules, by which I mean RULE, because there is only one. Dinky only gets used for sleeping. If Penny is insistent, I sing her favorite songs or change the subject.
We had a stand off the other day. She wanted a piece of bread, but had her binky in her mouth (Note: she wasn't sleeping). I told her she could have it if she gave me the binky. She stood there with the binky in one hand (held away from me) and her other hand outstretched for the bread. We literally stared and shook our heads at each other for 5 minutes. Finally, she relented and I put Dinky away.
To complicate matters, she gets a binky at Grandma and Grandpa's, who feel it is ok for her to be attached to it and don't feel like fighting her. They really think it is a phase, and I agree. But, it is only going to get harder from here. The other day I saw a child at the store who looked to be at least 4 and SHE HAD A BINKY. I thought, "That could be Penny, it really could."
Today wasn't so bad. She didn't ask for it very much, and when she did, she said, "Dinky? Nap?" So I put her down for a nap and she was happy. But the day is coming, I know it is, and it will be hard for all of us.
On a cuter note, Penny plays a game we call "Penny's Discotech." She pushes the button on her musical stacking toy, picks up a dolly, and dances to the music.
Time keeps on slipping (slipping, slipping) into the future, and things around here are better than ever. Communication is getting easier all the time - when Penny asks for something, I can understand her, which she thinks is the greatest thing ever, to be finally understood, and I think it's great that she is communicating, and I get all excited, and then she gets more excited, so it's a nice little positive feedback loop. She's been trying to say everything we say, and sometimes she comes pretty close. Other times, she's not even speaking the same language, but has what we call in the business, "pattern perception," which means she gets the number of syllables right. It's so exciting for a speech nerd like me. Speaking of nerdy speech things, I've been keeping track of the words Penny uses consistently (of COURSE I do!) and she has 50 words and 16 signs. The kid blows me away, and pretty soon it will be impossible to keep track of everything she says. Her "b" sounds are all "ds." So, "belly" is "de-yee," "buckle" is "duck-oh," "baby" is "deedee." And her favorite thing in the world, her binky, is "dink-dink." For which she will plaintively wail, when she's tired: "DINK-DINK!" (Yes, we still use the binky for sleep). She will say "Wok," and then I have to figure out if she's talking about her sock, a rock, or going on a walk? I can usually guess correctly, and she's thrilled, but I have the feeling Britt and I are going to be the only ones who understand her for a while. Meanwhile, she understands everything.
Don't read the opinion section, it will only make you angry. And she can sing! And she follows commands! Penny can throw trash in the garbage or put clothes in the laundry basket when I ask. She's become my slave! And her songs sound like actual songs! She hums the alphabet to herself in the car, and when she's sleepy, she will hum the lullaby we sing to her every night. She doesn't have the words, but she has the notes and the inflection (what's the musical term for that?), and it's so sweet to hear.
Other things Pen likes to do: Playing dress up with my shoes, and any other article of clothing (including underwear) she can put around her neck. "Cooking" and feeding her menagerie of dollies and animals. Stacking up towers of blocks or cups and knocking them down. Taking apart the nesting dolls and demanding I put them back together for her, x1000. Playing "whispering secrets," which consists of her lying on the floor and us whispering things in her ear to make her laugh. I don't know why she has to lie on the floor, but she won't receive secrets any other way. "Talking" on the phone, or her toy remote, which she thinks is a phone.
Penny unlocks the secret of the cannibalistic nesting dolls.
I get lonely in the car when she's at her Grandma's. I'm so used to hearing her jabbering, laughing and singing, that when she's not with me, I feel like something is missing. I miss her and the sound of her voice. She's my little friend, you see.
(Pictured: Penny's friend Niels, P with her Binky, Britt).
The binky has become an important part of Penny's life, which is to say, she is completely and utterly attached to it. I have to hide it in my pocket and keep it out of sight, otherwise, if Penny sees it, she points and gesticulates and vocalizes until I give it to her. If she sees me stashing it, she will dig it out herself and put it in her mouth. If I ask her nicely, "Can I have the binky?" She will shake her head "No," with the binky in her mouth. "Of course not mommy, that's what you get for asking a yes/no question!" If I playfully try to grab it, I find it cemented in her mouth. Oh, this is going to be hard.
So, here's what I'm doing. We (as in me, Britt, Grandma, and Grandpa, AND Penny) still rely heavily on it for nap time and bed time, and for trips in the car. So, if we are not sleeping or riding, the binky does not appear. It is put away as soon as P wakes up. I will be the first to admit that I rely on it as much as she does. For Penny, it is comforting. It helps her fall asleep faster, and it keeps her happy in the car. But sometimes, she will chuck it while I'm driving, almost always while I'm driving on the freeway....and then she cries because she wants it back, which she probably should have thought of before she chucked it on the floor of the car.
Upon seeing children who appeared too "old" to have a binky, I used to think, "Oh, that child should not have a binky. What are those parents thinking? That is certainly not going to be my child." Now I'm regretting those thoughts. That could totally be my kid in another year.
So I'm hoping to wean Penny off the binky, starting with longer periods of time in the car without it, and attempting a nap or two without it. I have heard of parents having funerals for binkies, or cutting them down so they are harder to suck on, etc. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Next issue: Domestic Angst. In other words, "Whose Job is it to do X?" Princess Nebraska recently had a post about this very thing, in fact, she does an excellent job articulating how I feel sometimes. Raising a child is work. Some days are rewarding, and some days seem pretty thankless. Add to that all of the extra domestic duties that someone needs to do, and then it turns into a competition to see who is working harder. Why are we competing?
Enter the guilt cycle: I started writing this post several days ago, when I was feeling a little upset about having to do everything around the house. But then we had a nice weekend together, and now I can't believe that these complaints have even been typed by me. They must have been typed by some ungrateful woman who doesn't realize how lucky she is.
Who will clean up this cute little mess?
So for now, I will take it a day at a time, keeping in mind that some days are fantastic, and other days are hellish, and all days result in a mountain of dishes in our aggravatingly tiny kitchen.
I often find myself at a loss as to what to do with Penny's hair. More often than not, it's sticking straight up, which doesn't really bother me that much, because deep down, we embrace the punk rock lifestyle. But this week, she was really starting to look like a street urchin. Her hair was long on top and getting in her eyes, while the hair in the back was all stunted from sleeping on her back, with a nice little rat tail starting to come off the bottom. We were rapidly reaching mullet status. Before: I kept loudly hinting that it should be cut, but wasn't about to do it myself. I'm not very good with my own hair, and have never deviated much more from "ponytail" or "down." So I went to a place nearby which specializes in distracting children while scissors are brandished close to their heads. We got to pick a movie (Elmo) and our chair (the pink Cadillac), and then the stylist asked me what I wanted. I never know how to answer this question, even with my own stylist. Because the answer is always, "I want something that isn't this. Work your magic." I'm sure they love that.
P started to get nervous when another child started crying, which must be some kind of baby warning system to alert them to trouble. And it was just as the stylist was trying to cut Penny's bangs. P started trying to get out of her pink Cadillac, but those scissors were at eye level, so I had to bust out the binky. I'm not sure I can imagine life without the binky yet, although I keep saying we should ditch it. After: The pigtails were NOT my idea. But when she asked me if I wanted them, I thought, "Why not?" I'll take antennae over the mullet any day. Oh, and that scratch on her nose? That's from biffing it on the patio. Her little noggin hitting the cement made a sound I can only describe as the worst THUD I have ever heard. Followed by the longest pause I have ever heard prior to screaming. Fortunately, with a little ice, she was back on her feet again. Another moment in good parenting.
Last weekend we embarked on our first camping trip with Penny. We went to one of our favorite places, the Buckhorn Wash, in the San Rafael Swell. I might have felt nervous about camping with a 10.5 month-old, but I really wasn't. Maybe it's because we already knew that Penny's a good traveler and can handle 4 hours in the car (and longer!). What I struggled with was remembering everything we needed, due to this baby brain thing I have going on, which is worse on some days than others. But we had lots to eat and a comfy place to sleep. My sisters and boyfriends Dave and Paddy came too, so it was a family affair. And we have pictures!
We usually prefer to rough it, as far away as from other people as possible. But since we got down to the Swell so late, we decided to opt for the campground at the Wash. It was surprisingly empty!We were within walking distance to the San Rafael River, and driving (or biking) distance to the pictographs.
In the backpack with daddy.
We love it out here!
Skipping stones in the San Rafael River.
Sunset! Gorgeous! Two issues that came up were 1) Penny would not let anyone hold her other than me. I'm not sure why, but she would freak out and cry and cling to me desperately whenever anyone offered to hold her. I don't know if she felt unsafe, exposed out there in the wilderness? Maybe she was worried a large bird of prey was going to carry her off? (*Eagle Cry*) She seemed a lot more comfortable in the safe enclosure of the tent. But as the sun warmed up the tent during the day, it wasn't an option to hang out in there.
In some ways, I was flattered that she considered me to be her ultimate protector, her absolute favorite, her number one girl. But I also felt a little hindered. Trips to the bathroom were...interesting and complicated. There was a lot of sneaking away. As long as I was out of her line of sight, she was ok with Britt. But as soon as I came within view, she had to be with me. I guess this means we will just have to take more trips to southern Utah, so she'll become accustomed to being out in the open.
Sippy cup? Check. Blankie? Check. Dolly? Check. Spatula? Check. Life is good. A rare moment when she was sitting by herself and not permanently affixed to me.
Waking up happy in the tent.
The second issue was screaming like a banshee in the middle of the night. On the first night, she fell asleep quickly, in hog heaven, because she was sleeping in her favorite place, between the two of us. But later, she woke up and was absolutely screaming, which caused temporary hearing loss for us and the neighboring tents. I tried to give her the binky, but she would not be pacified. I guess she awakened in the dark, and didn't know where she was? Fortunately, I was able to quiet her by some quick nursing, before the entire campground woke up.
The second night was considerably better. She was so worn out from the day's adventures (and from staring at the campfire) that she passed out before we were even settled in the tent. And although she cried out again, it was very brief. But to be fair, she screams like that at home, too.
Penny can say an actual word, other than mamamama and dadadada and nananana. "Uh-oh!" I am pretty excited about this. "Uh-oh" was also my first word, which leads me to wonder if we are accident prone or something. For a while, she was saying it all the time, mostly because we always repeated it, which she found highly amusing. Now she is getting the idea of context, and will actually look at me, say "Uh-oh," and then drop things from her high chair. We have preemptive uh-ohs. And we have muffled, binky obstructed "Mm-mms."
Binky, Paci, Nuk. I didn't think I was going to be a pacifier person. Before Penny was born, I thought, "My child isn't going to need a binky," because for some reason, in my judgmental brain, I considered them to be some kind of crutch. I'm not sure why I had that opinion. I'm not a fan of the way they look in babies' mouths, so maybe that was part of it. I know that in Australia, they call pacifiers "dummies," so that was definitely another reason to be prejudiced against them.
The pacifier issue is one that garners a lot of debate, so before I became a mother who relies heavily on the pacifier every day, I asked the occupational therapist at my school about them. He's a dad himself and works with children who have feeding/sucking/swallowing issues. I asked him if pacifiers were good or bad? He told me that pacifiers are like guns and alcohol. They can be fun but must be used responsibly. This worried me a little because I wasn't sure I was the responsible type. He pointed out that they can be a problem if the binky is used as a substitute for food. Ah, ok. That would be bad. He told me that my baby would let me know when she needed a pacifier and when she didn't want one. I thought that was pretty cool, but I was still worried. But what if I don't get the message? What if I can't figure out what my baby wants when the time comes?
Then Penny was born and for a small period of time she wasn't really into the pacifier. I thought, ok, she doesn't need it. Woohoo! And then I tried it once during a crying jag and the effect was miraculous. Uh-oh. Then I consulted the BOOKS (*screams*) and had to sort through all of the conflicting information based on other people's strong opinions. Here is a list of pros and cons I have read and heard from others:
PROS: May prevent SIDS Strengthens suck May prevent ear infections because it encourages swallowing Fulfills need to suck Elicits calming reflex Can be removed (as opposed to thumb sucking)
CONS: Can sabotage/shorten duration of breastfeeding Can interfere with jaw/tooth alignment if it continues too long Easy to "pop in" instead of determining the reason for crying Baby (and parents) can become dependent on it Can interfere with vocalizing May CAUSE ear infections?
So now that I have a baby who is calmed by her binky, I am finding myself using it as an easy fix and I know this is bad. It helps her fall asleep, keeps her calm in the car and happier in general. I don't want her to rely on it too much, and yet *I* rely on it every day. So I'm going to have to work on that. For now, my goal is to not obsess too much, but to try to evaluate the situation when I give her the binky (or give it back to her when it falls out). Does she really need it? Is she trying to tell me something? And then our next step will be to see if she can fall asleep without it at night.
The funny thing is, my dad told me that he and my mom used a pacifier with me, which surprised me. I hadn't seen any baby pictures of me with one, so I assumed that he and my mom were superparents who didn't have to use a pacifier. My dad told me that one night he had to go to the store to find a new pacifier because they lost mine and I was inconsolable. I felt a lot better after hearing this, because I think I turned out ok and wasn't scarred for life because of a stupid binky....although I DO habitually chew on pen lids. Hmmm.
And hey, at least I'm not giving Penny a rag soaked in brandy to suck on. We've come a long way, in a sense.
While Mindy and I were at the aforementioned lactation establishment, she picked up a copy of The Happiest Baby on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp. Mindy kindly loaned it to us, and I had to admit I was highly skeptical of this book. It is not particularly well-written, some of the theories *seem* dubious, and the meat of the information could have been whittled down to an index card. However, this man has discovered the secret to placating babies. And it really works. Really! I'm not kidding! No wonder this guy is a celebrity!
Dr. Karp's book (and website) outlines the 5 S's (I'm not sure that should have an apostrophe, but I don't care about punctuation right now): Swaddling: We know babies are calmer when swaddled; that's why they do it in the hospital as soon as they are born. We had been swaddling Penny at home as well, which kept her arms from going all crazy and from hitting/scratching herself in the face. So, we were already on the right track. Penny had started to kick out of the blankets we were swaddling her in, so Mindy also gave us one the "Swaddlers" she had been given (Thanks Mindy!). Always the critic, I thought, "That's not going to be any better than a blanket." Well, I was WRONG. Plus, the swaddler alleviates my psychotic fear that she will kick out of her blankets and suffocate in her sleep. Sucking: Babies are calmed by sucking on something, also a no-brainer. I tried to resist the binky, but it quickly became Penny's favorite thing. I guess we'll have to deal with that later. Swinging: Yep, we got ourselves a baby swing, thinking that would be a good idea, so we had that one covered. Side (or Stomach): Ok, this one we didn't know. When Penny is upset, putting her on her side (on our legs) calms her down. I'll be damned. Shushing: I always thought it was rude to shush people, but in the case of babies, it ostensibly reminds them of being in the womb and hearing your heartbeat, which triggers their calming reflex.
Now, it's the combination of these S-es that are the most potent. When Penny would get upset, and we knew it wasn't her diaper or hunger, we would wrap her up in the swaddler, give her the binky, put her on her side, and start swinging our legs back and forth. Sometimes we would shush too. Her infant anger was no match to the 5 deadly S-es! We were amazed.
Here she is, swinging and swaddled. Note how the binky is on stand-by. Note how she is not crying. Note that I have not buckled her in and she could go flying out at top speed. She looks like a little caterpillar in her swaddler. I love it! Thanks Dr. Karp! I'm sorry I said your book was poorly written.
