Vacation, Had to Get Away

I can't believe the month of July almost escaped without a post. I have some pretty good excuses, though. One of them is that we went on vacation for two weeks at the end of June. When we got home, we had the post-vacation insanity of catching up on everything that went to hell while we were gone, like work and school (did I mention I'm back in school?). Oh, and I got horrendously sick during the last leg of the trip and needed a couple of days to recover. But the important thing is, we had an honest-to-god vacation, just the three of us.

Part One of our trip started out with Britt's family at a place called Six Lakes in Eastern Utah. We had never been there before, so we weren't sure what to expect. The high desert of Utah has a certain beauty - the cacti were pink and yellow and in full bloom. The sky was clear and blue. Lizards and rabbits were everywhere. Everything smelled like sage and juniper. We had bunk houses right on our own lake, so Penny got to have her first rowboat experience. Going out on the lake was a nice way to cool off, because it was hot out there. Six Lakes also has the distinction of being where Penny overcame her fear of pooping in the potty. I didn't think she would go for using strange toilets in strange locations, but she didn't have a single accident. Subsequently I showered her with candy.


Our bunkhouse.

Part Two of our trip was an adventure to the Oregon Coast. We went from the dry desert to the damp coast and saw a refreshing drop in temperature. It was wonderful. We rented a little beach house at Seal Rock and spent four days poking around tidepools, exploring different beaches, and checking out the aquarium. I hadn't been to Oregon in about 30 years. Britt visited the coast many times while he was growing up, so it was fun for both of us to relive some childhood memories and remind ourselves that there is still an ocean out there.


The view from the beach house.

Other notable successes during the trip:
1. Penny took off her shoes on the beach. It took a couple of days for her to warm up to the idea, but she finally got brave enough to try. And then she didn't want to put them back on.


Really getting into it.

2. Penny touched starfish. Last time we were in California, she was unwilling to touch the starfish in the exhibit at the Birch Aquarium. But this time, Britt found a little red one that was too cute to resist. After that, she touched as many as she could find.



3. We had a 15 hour drive to Oregon (twice - there and back), and Penny didn't have any accidents. And she was a pretty good sport, considering we were all sick of the car by the time vacation was over. Next time though, we're going to fly. That drive was ridiculous.

(There are more pictures on Flickr).

Things I have learned about my three year old (so far).

(She is almost as tall as our irises.)

1. The two year-old style "fits" have decreased, but the yelling in my face has increased. Now we have a "no yelling in my face" rule, which I never imagined I would have to create.

2. She is still extremely cautious, and embraces self-preservation. After we converted Penny's crib to a toddler bed, it took her a week to figure out that she could get out of it on her own. In the morning, if she wakes up before we do (e.g. weekends), she will call for me, and I will call back (from bed), "Come here." And then I can hear the tiniest creak of the floorboards, followed by the sound of her little feet on the floor, pum, pum, pum, pum, PUM! And then she's at my side of the bed, smiling in my sleepy, disheveled face.

3. She has a bladder of steel. We are deep in the throes of potty training, for real this time. Pull-ups have been banished and are only for sleeping. Underwear is in full effect. Accidents have been minimal, except that she hides in her closet to poop. In her underwear. Sigh. Anyway, the first couple of days she only peed a couple of times, so either she can hold it for a long time, or her bladder is incredibly strong, or using the potty is just that horrible.

4. Someday she will read this and be totally mortified by item #3. But I really couldn't be prouder. She even used the potty at Grandma's house today, which is a giant step. We are finally getting somewhere.

5. She adores her family. When I tell her that her Aunt M and Uncle P are coming over for dinner, she claps her hands and shouts, "They're part of my family!"

6. She is on our schedule; therefore we have created a monster. Britt and I stay up pretty late, (although it seems to be getting harder with age), and now so does Penny. We TRY to start the bedtime ritual by 8:30, but she's the queen of stalling. Even if we get her in bed by 9:00, she talks and sings to herself and carries on for an hour afterwards. Then I have to wake her up on the mornings I go to work, and it's not pleasant.

When Penny was two, I heard over and over that three is worse than two. I think we're doing ok. Some things have certainly improved, and others have sort of evolved, or devolved, for better or for worse. I could do without the yelling, but I appreciate the energetic attempt at communication. The bedtime routine could be faster, but at least she doesn't get out of her bed! So I'll just count my blessings, then.

Love Bites

So....the potty. Let's just say that progress has been slow, which isn't really anyone's fault (other than mine), because we are always going somewhere, every day, and we haven't been able to do anything consistently. Add to that recent trips to Lava Hot Springs and Las Vegas, and you can see why it's been easier for us to just let Penny wallow in pull-ups most days. We keep saying we're going to go cold turkey and buy the underwear and clean up messes for a few days. But I'm still trying not to make this too traumatic.

In my limited experience, children going through potty training fall into two (or three) camps: those who don't mind running around naked, those who also seem to be intrinsically rewarded by going potty on their own, and those who are motivated by tangible reinforcement of one kind or another (M&Ms, etc). My child does not fall into any of these categories. I have not been able to find a good motivator, not to mention the issues I have with food-based token reward reinforcement systems, but what's a parent to do? Some kids really love M&Ms. My kid loves fruit snacks, but not enough to sit on the toilet for one.


"I'm a Viking!"

We've (sort of) been using a sticker chart, and there are loads of stickers on the "I sat on the potty!" and "I washed my hands!" rows, but the lines about actually producing/flushing are completely bare. At first, Penny was really into collecting stickers on the lines, because it meant that when it was full, she could get a new dolly. But somewhere along the way, it lost its appeal.

We've been talking it up a lot, about how big girls use the potty, and we list all the big girls we know, and I'm sure Penny is sick of hearing about it. I'm sick of hearing myself; for all I know, I'm making her feel bad. I hear about kids who magically decide one day they want to use the bathroom and I want to believe that will happen, but it's hard to imagine, really. Do I keep pushing the issue, to let her know I'm serious about this? Do I leave it alone for a while? Why do I feel like I've tried everything AND nothing? ("We've tried nothing, and we're all out of ideas!")

Tonight, on a whim, I asked if she wanted to sit on the potty before she put her pajamas on, and she said she did. I gave her a stack of books, because she does her best reading on the toilet. When she finished the books she had, she asked me for more, and while I was in her room, she exclaimed, "I peed in the potty!" And she was right.

And there was much rejoicing.



After she was ready for bed, I was holding her on the couch, telling her how proud I was. Then, when I gave her an encouraging squeeze, SHE BIT ME. It was the slightest nip on my arm, but still. Before I even said anything, she knew she had made a mistake. But the crazy thing was, instead of making a scene, I went into this Zen mode (which surprised me) and said, calmly, "Biting is not nice. We don't bite anybody." In classic Penny Oh-Crap-I'm-In-Trouble-And-I'm-Embarrassed form, she shut down and started crying, although it didn't last long. She rushed through an (admittedly forced) apology, and then we headed for bed.

And then I remembered something that happened to me when I was little. My sister and I were brushing our teeth one night, and I must have done something incredibly snotty. In any case, my sister bit me right on my back, and I knew, even then, that I deserved it. So I told Penny that story and she was very intrigued. I explained that we were little and I made my sister mad and she didn't know how to tell me, so she bit me. Biting me wasn't right, but it also wasn't right for me to make her mad.

Anyway, after the lights were out and Penny was in her bed, she called me into her room a few minutes later.

Penny: "Mama, I need someping."
Me: "What do you need?"
Penny: "I need a drink of water."
Me: "Ok, but this is the last one."
Penny: "Ok."
(I give her the water, and a hug.)
Me: "I'm proud of you for going on the potty."
Penny: "I sorry I bit you, Mama."
Me: "Oh Honey, it's ok."

And she really meant it. Inside, I was turning cartwheels of joy because she had thought about it, and wanted to tell me.

So the moral is, potty training may result in frustration and biting. Great! I can't wait for tomorrow.

To React, or Not?

We are in the thick of toddler life, which means that we are mostly having a lot of fun. Penny cheerfully converses (with me and her dolls) all the live-long day, and she's gotten really good at entertaining herself while I'm cooking and cleaning and doing all of those other things that have to be done. But more than ever, I'm faced with myriad on-the-spot decisions about how to react in any given moment, and it hurts my head. I'm constantly asking myself, "How big of a deal is this, really? What should my reaction be?"

Example 1: Penny is etching the kitchen cabinet with a ball point pen.

Example 2: Penny is constantly sniffing air in and out of her nose to a certain rhythm, even though it isn't running and she doesn't seem to need a kleenex.

Example 3: Penny is dawdling all the way to the car, and once she's in the car, she refuses to get in her car seat, saying, "This how my sit?" as she sits on the cupholders across from her seat. "This how my sit, Mama?"

Example 4: Penny declaring she WANTS to go to time out.

See what I mean? #1 was kind of a big deal, but we'd never actually had a conversation about not scribbling on walls or cabinets before, and since that wasn't some innate kernel of knowledge already stored in her brain, how was she supposed to know? I reminded her that we only draw on paper, not on walls or on cabinets, and she hasn't done it since, nor did she fall apart when she thought she was in trouble, which is an improvement from past experience(s).

#2 drove me absolutely crazy, and she knew it too, which is why she kept doing it. I got her to stop by threatening to use the "booger sucker," which she despises.

#3. This tests my patience to the absolute limit. The dawdling, the messing around, the not getting in her seat. The problem is, I'm usually in a hurry to get somewhere, and then I feel like crap for rushing around all the time and not letting her take her time. Why are we always in such a hurry? Why is it so important to sit right down in her seat? And when she says, "This how my sit?" it is really funny. So I usually try not to laugh go along with it, as long as it isn't raining or snowing on me while I'm trying to get her in her seat.

#4. At the point where I've threatened a time out, and she agrees that it should happen, time out ensues. Call my bluff, will you? Plus I've started adding a minute. Then she's usually ok, as though she really did need a couple of minutes to think about things.

Then there are other thorny issues, like constantly agonizing over whether or not to make her try new things, so she can "be brave," or letting her just be herself. If I intentionally put her in situations she doesn't like, am I forcing her to be someone she's not? How will she know if she likes something if she doesn't try it? Where can I find that balance without adding pressure? This came up at Lagoon, obviously, but there are little things every day, like not wanting to pick a song during toddler group, or not doing something in dance class that everyone else is doing. And I usually just say, "That's fine, you don't have to." Because I don't think I need to be a complete jerk. Because at the end of the day, it's not that big of a deal when you're two. I have to remember that she's only two!



And then there's potty training. We are using cloth diapers 50% of the time at this juncture, which is mostly because I work part time. I'm so tempted to go cold turkey and buy real underwear and have potty boot camp, but the other part of me wants to wait until she warms up to the idea more. But when will that be? If I don't have her try it every day, will she ever want to do it on her own? I have no idea. Will the kinder-gentler approach eventually yield a result, or should I be trying harder to make "potty time" consistent? Do I need to resort to tangible reinforcement with little rewards? I'm not sure I want to go there. Do I even want to push the issue over the break when we'll be traveling a lot in the near future, or should I seize the next 5 days?

Parenting is hard. Note to self: She's only two.

Adventures in Cloth Diapering, Week One (And probably TMI about the potty).

It might be a little late in the game to try something new, and I'm so not an expert in this domain, but I finally decided to get over my hangups and give cloth diapers a try. I chose the gDiapers because I'm a sucker for their colors, and I had tried them before. I have two other friends here in town who use different brands, but love their cloth diapers so much, they inspired me to give it a shot. So far, it hasn't been too bad. I don't really have a "system" yet, but it's not as hard as I thought it would be. My friend Sheree makes it look really easy.

I still have issues with handling poo. Penny consistently has one über gross diaper a day (I should probably be glad there's only one). The lazier, less responsible version of me secretly prefers to just roll up the yucky diapers and throw them away, out of sight, out of mind. And what about wipes? I still use those, and they can't be good for the landfill either.

So, to tackle the poo, we ordered and installed a sprayer that attaches to the toilet, to make rinsing the yucky diapers easier, and it helps. Another friend who uses cloth told me that before their diapers go in the pail, they spray them with a solution of Bac-Out and water, and that keeps them from getting grossified before they go in the washer. Bac-Out is seriously awesome. We use it for pet-related stains all the time.

We spent a good part of today at Penny's cousins' house, and it wasn't hard to pack extra inserts and an extra pant in the diaper bag. We save the plastic bags our newspapers are delivered in, so when the über gross diaper occurred, I emptied it out in the toilet and put the yucky insert in the newspaper bag I had brought along.

I still feel like I need two diaper pails - one for wipes and disposables (which Penny still uses at night), and one for the cloth diapers that need to be washed. And I may find that I need more pants, liners, and inserts to get through the week, unless I am willing to do laundry every day. After all, we're only on day 2 of this grand experiment.

Ultimately, I am wondering if using cloth will speed up toilet training around here. The cloth diapers, while soft and comfy, are not as (eerily) absorbent as the disposables. And my hope is that the difference will motivate Penny to give up diapers entirely. Meanwhile, on the potty training front, Penny goes in the bathroom and closes the door, saying, "I going potty!" when she needs privacy, but will not sit on her little potty chair and would rather just go in her diaper, and doesn't want to discuss it, thank you very much. Frankly, she closes the door in my face.

But then Penny decided she wanted a soft seat that goes over the toilet, like her cousin has (thank Jeebus for older, wiser cousins!). So I let her pick one out in the store. I held up an Elmo seat and a Tinkerbell seat, and she chose Tinkerbell without a second glance at Elmo. To be fair, the Tinkerbell one is purple, so Elmo didn't really stand a chance.

Now she will sit on her fancy seat, for long periods of time, and nothing happens. And that's ok. I'm just happy she's trying it out. She gets a lot of reading done in there, at least. And she is really proud of her "fancy pants," especially the purple ones.

27 Months Old

Dear Penny,

Oh, dear. We seem to be in the thick of the "terrible twos," not that I care for that term. You are certainly not terrible. But we are navigating some difficult terrain, punctuated by daily screaming fits. We can usually get through most of the day, but right around dinner time, logic and reason fail, communication ceases, and you totally fall apart. And then I have to tell you to breathe, to calm down, and tell me what's wrong. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes trying to put what's wrong into words causes you to melt down all over again. These mini-Chernobyls are accompanied by the waving of hands and near-hyperventilation, and it might be comical if it weren't so appalling.

But it's not all high drama. Mostly you play and laugh and read and draw and play some more. A couple of weeks ago, we went to Idaho to visit our extended family. You saw your Great Grandma Ruth, and met some Great Aunts you had never seen before, and after your shyness wore off, you gorged on deviled eggs and baked beans. You swam in the hotel pool and you got to sleep in a big bed with your mom and dad. I'm pretty sure you think that the hotel was "Idaho."

You have an uncanny ability to make me laugh. When you play, you use different voices for your dolls and stuffed animals, to jazz up their conversations. One night, while we were trying to get you to go to sleep in "Idaho," I caught you sticking your finger up your nose. I told you not to pick your nose. Then, you took your dolly's fingers and stuck them in your nose. And I said, "No, dolly, don't pick Penny's nose." So then you made your dolly pick her own nose, saying, in your cute little dolly voice, "Oh! I got boogers!"

And I'm not one to condone booger humor, but this made me laugh until I cried, and you were exceedingly delighted.

Also, you have perfected the evil eye. See?





Meanwhile, your potty chair is collecting dust, because you shun it. So I will continue to (try to) be patient, until you are ready to use it. Because if there's one thing I've learned these past 27 months, is that you will do things when you are good and ready. I'm sorry I get frustrated sometimes; it feels good to say that. We're in this together. You will always be my baby.

Love,
Mom

Various things that start with "P."

Here it is, my first obsessive post about potty training. I can't remember how long ago I bought a little potty chair for Penny, but it's been in our bathroom for months, and I guess I was hoping she would just learn how to use it on her own, by simple observation. Here's another thing: I dislike the word "potty." But I don't know what else to call it, and I haven't come up with a better word for it, and now Penny says it, and here we are, beginning our first earnest attempts to potty train, although I also dislike the verb "train" as it pertains to my child, and I fully expect this to be an arduous process.



By the way, Flotsam has a hilarious post about the potty nomenclature, which generated many comments from people who shared their potty training experiences. I haven't read all the comments because I was too overwhelmed.

And here's why it's going to take a long time: Because it has to be Penny's idea. Not just Penny's, any kid's. I have heard horrific tales of kids resisting the well-intentioned pressure of their parents, of early successes totally backfiring later, of kids holding it in because it has to be their idea, not a grown-up's, to go in the socially acceptable receptacle. At Penny's annual check-up, I asked my doctor for some advice, and she reinforced the notion that kids will do it when they're ready. Some are ready at 2 years old, some are 3, but sooner or later, everyone gets it.

Hoo, and there are so many different philosophies and strategies! Some kids just run around naked all the time (which might be easier now that it's summer), and eventually get tired of having pee running down their legs, so that's motivating enough, I suppose. But that involves cleaning up lots of messes, which doesn't thrill me. Some people keep the potty in the play area, or wherever their child spends a lot of time, which I also don't love, because I think the bathroom should stay in the bathroom. Some kids are easy to bribe, and some kids aren't. Some people favor a little seat on the big toilet, so there isn't anything extra to clean, while others prefer the portability of a potty chair. Sheesh, I had no idea this would be so complicated.

But I'm posting about this because today, we had our first potty success, and that made me unbelievably proud. For months, Penny has been sitting, but not doing anything, and not really sitting long enough to do anything, and really just running back and forth, sitting for one second on the potty, then standing, running down the hall, running back, and closing the door, shouting, "I going potty!" x100. (This prompted a doorknob change because we were worried she was going to lock herself in). But today, when she got up from her nap, her diaper was pretty dry, so I figured, let's give this a try, and I gave her some reading material, and she sat long enough for the magic to happen. And we laid the praise on soooo thick, she was very pleased and we were pleased, and we said, let's see if she'll do it again! Two accidents later, and she was a bit unnerved and requested her diaper. "Oh, no!" Penny exclaimed, worried. So. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.


Reading, the ultimate motivation.

It's going to be hard not to pressure her too much. It's also going to be hard for me to persist, in a consistent fashion, because that takes a certain amount of energy and each day is a little different schedule-wise. But, I figure we'll go slow, provide ample opportunities, celebrate the successes, and follow her lead. Sounds good enough, anyway. "Process" is another word that starts with P. And if none of that works, I guess I can always make another book.